flailing about

I have really struggled over the last two weeks. My perfectionism and impatience have been loud, not wanting me to publish my work because it’s not ‘good enough’. But I guess that’s the point right? Cinderella stories aren’t satisfying unless the mess at the beginning is genuine…

I also emigrated with my dog…which is why this post is a bit late 🙂

So, I did what I said I would and spent some time on landscapes. It turns out I’m not really interested in painting landscapes. I think this was a strong ‘should’ in my mind because ‘that’s what you do with watercolours. ‘ It seems it’s not what I do with watercolours, as is evident from the results.

Despite not really enjoying the process or the results, it was an enlightening experience. While looking for tutorials on YouTube, the titles were nearly all things like ‘Easy Water Colour Landscape’ or ‘How to Paint a Landscape in 5 Minutes’. A lot of the videos offered formulas, tricks and cheats on how to get aesthetically pleasing results. I don’t doubt the skill of the artists and I get it. Long videos on YouTube don’t get as many views and, therefore, don’t generate income for the YouTuber. I understand that it is very hard to earn a living as an artist. I also get that most people are so busy that they only get small pockets of free time to try out something ‘creative’. Nevertheless, these videos made me sad. I remember my Dad teaching me how to draw real trees (not just a clouds on sticks) when I was a kid. It was an exercise in such close observation and presence…’draw what you see, not what you expect to see’. A feeling of calm and ‘oneness’ with the tree would come over me as I felt my way around it’s curves and imperfections. It was a meditation, A way of connecting to nature and the result wasn’t so important.

Writing this makes me realise that perhaps there is still hope for me and Landscapes? My approach to it is my responsibility. I am just as much a part of consumerist, convenience culture as the YouTubers. Why on Earth did I think I could learn to draw nature without going outside??

The one other piece I did during this time, I was quite pleased with…

Yet another attempt at me in my coat…it’s still not me and the colours of the face are a bit weird…but the coat looks great! The best thing about it is that I was completely absorbed by the process. Trying to capture human expression is completely compelling to me. Which lines are the ones that matter the most? Which tiny fleck of light in an eye can change an angry look to a cheeky one? Even though I wasn’t successful here, I don’t mind because I still want to keep exploring. I guess I know how hard it is and therefore don’t have unrealistic expectations. On the other hand, if something is presented as easy and it still looks like crap…

Weeks 3-4 Takeaways

I need to build patience and realise that not everything can be learned online. As a first step, I have inscribed myself in a life drawing group. I am terrified.

I also need to re-read my old posts to remember what I learned last time. I just had a quick look at my last post and I feel like I forgot and relearned all the things I said a month ago…slightly worrying.