flailing about

No, I’m not living in an alternative time dimension where a week only lasts 2 days. I’m dealing with my ’emigration backlog’.

So, I tried to paint some portraits and found it rather tricky! They are all unmistakably human and each is infused with a tiny hint of their subject. Like over diluted fruit squash, their uniquely satisfying flavours are just a little weak…

If I didn’t know that I had painted both of these, I would guess that they had been done by two different artists. My style seems erratic. But I guess this is just experimentation. Does one’s style have to be fixed though? Surely it is more authentic to allow what we create to change as we change? Having said that, I much prefer the style on the left. It feels more dynamic…alive…

This is supposed to be me!! I have never ever done a successful self-portrait. I just cannot look at myself objectively. My paintbrush seems loaded with tentative hope that weighs it down and pulls it in funny directions…’maybe I will finally see what other people see…maybe I’m more beautiful than I think…’

Hmmm, revealing in unexpected ways.

I love this one!! Both Dani and Pacha really shine through here. The photo that I worked from gave me a lot of joy so perhaps it was that mood that helped me skip lightly with my pen and paintbrush.

I actually got a bit smug and tried to reproduce my success in this one of Pacha and me…

…semi-successfully I would say. It felt a little laboured. Too much paint, too much ‘trying’. I didn’t allow myself to be absorbed by the feeling of the photo.

Week 6 Takeaways

It seems that my state of mind greatly affects my painting. I am stating the obvious…and repeating myself. But well, writing it down makes me feel like I am more likely to remember it and do something about it. It seems I need to realise the same thing several times before it fully absorbs into my ways of being and doing.

What could I do about this??

Perhaps being guided by my feelings when choosing what to paint might help. I mean, rather than doing what I did a couple of weeks ago and forcing myself to paint landscapes because it’s what I thought I should do…

Meditate more…pretty good for life in general I would say!